I think many Christians, due to fear, are avoiding taking a loving stand for what they believe. They want to be liked and would rather not have a confrontation. Well, I want it both ways. I am compelled to stand up for what I believe in, but I also want to be liked! I kid, but the real point I’m trying to make here is that we shouldn’t shy away from honest dialogue with the culture war taking place in America. We are allowing the media and those publicly against conservative Christianity to portray us as extremist, narrow-minded bigots.
Here are some tips from my own experience for conversing with someone of an opposing view. I hope both the Christian and non-Christian find them helpful. I’ve added Bible reference footnotes where applicable.
Don’t care? Don’t ask. If you ask someone for their view, be ready to listen, not immediately give a rebuttal.1 I recently had a conversation with someone who was only interested in expounding his own views, not in hearing mine. He wanted affirmation and acceptance, and was not satisfied with having my ear and my understanding. That’s a sure way for me to lose interest. I already get preaching on Sundays.
“Facebroke”. This social media platform is great for sharing family updates, your latest selfie, or a link to an article, but it’s completely inadequate for having a fruitful conversation with someone of an opposing view. This is best done in a real, interpersonal setting.2 I have both offended someone and been offended on this social network. Facebook is a broken and impersonal system.
Sing it to us, Aretha. I encourage you to R-E-S-P-E-C-T the person who believes differently. Can we not sit down together and hear one another’s heart? Can we not agree to disagree without getting angry?3 Let’s respect those with whom we disagree. I’m a conservative politically and an evangelical Christian, but if I hear someone from either side disparaging the president, for example, I tune them out. Be respectful.4 If Christians prayed for our leaders more than we complained about them and insulted them, what a different country it would be!
You’re wrong, but I still love you. Similarly, just because my view is diametrically opposed to yours doesn’t mean I hate you. As a Christian, the Bible commands me to love even my enemies.5 That doesn’t mean I ignore what the Bible also says is truth. I can passionately believe what I believe and still love you.6 We can share the loving truth we know from God’s Word, but we shouldn’t be surprised when the non-Christian doesn’t agree. And don’t let the conversation descend into discord. Keep the language positive to demonstrate your love.7
Repeat after me: I am a hypocrite. Let’s face it: we love to point out the faults in others’ views without first checking if/how we are being hypocritical. Nothing will ruin credibility worse than hypocrisy.8 For example, if you hate those you think are “haters”, you’re a hater too. Be sure your heart is clear in this area before speaking. You know the saying: “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt”. This is actually based on a Bible verse.9
Don’t take yourself too seriously. If you can’t laugh at good-natured humor targeting both sides of an issue, let me quote a line from the first and last episodes of the TV show M.A.S.H. The Army psychiatrist offered this deep thought to the mobile medial unit: “Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice. Pull down your pants and slide on the ice.” Take a deep breath and relax. Our joy is in the Lord.10
I won’t shy away from dialogue with a willing party in the right setting. As a Christian, I find peace in the fact that I can’t change anyone’s heart. Only God can.11 In the meantime, let’s talk.
1 Proverbs 18:13
2 Amos 3:3
3 James 1:19-20
4 1 Timothy 2:1-2
5 Matthew 5:44
6 Ephesians 4:15
7 Ephesians 4:29
8 Matthew 7:1-5
9 Proverbs 17:28
10 Proverbs 17:22
11 Ezekiel 36:26